Post 084.

sometimes i wish we really did live together.

nights and weeks like these are hard to get through.

Post 083.

"you know, i hate to say this because i know you're down about it, but i love when he doesn't have the time to spend with you because then i get you all to myself. like it use to be. and when i'm down here i'm down for you"

Post 082.

i'm at war with head versus heart and it's always this way

Post 081.

FUTURE

ever since my sophomore year of high school, i've dreamed of attending UC Berkeley. i've visited the campus twice and each has given me more motivation. i am on the cusp of finishing my first class at smc and becoming a full time student this fall. i have to pay for my classes by august 3, so today i double-checked to make sure i was pleased with what i will be taking (English 1, Cultural Anthropology, Women's Studies 20, and Communictions 10) i went to assist.org, which help me pick these classes by showing what i need to be a media studies transfer student, (i was also keeping my option as a communications major at ucla open) and i found what might be the perfect major for me at a school i thought was only for math and science nerds. the major is Literary Journalism and the only school that offers it is University of California, Irvine.

i went to uci's website and this is their description of literary journalism:

The Literary Journalism Major
The newest major offered by the Department of English, Literary Journalism, was created to meet the needs of a growing number of students who wish to read, study and write nonfiction prose that has transcended the limits of daily journalism. This is prose that has evolved into a distinct branch of literature, prose that adopts the aims and techniques of the finest fiction. The program provides majors with a solid foundation in nonfiction writing and an equally solid background in areas such as literary history, which together will help make them more informed writers.

Literary journalism is an emerging field of study that is known by varying names, including creative nonfiction, the literature of fact and literary nonfiction. The Nieman Foundation at Harvard University holds an annual national conference on narrative journalism; there are anthologies devoted to it; many colleges offer courses in it, or feature it as an option within their majors. UCI's program builds on existing departmental strengths: its nationally ranked programs in creative writing, literature and literary theory. Literary Journalism majors take three intensive writing seminars, and are expected to develop a portfolio of work by graduation which they can present as evidence of their skill for purposes of employment or future education. At the same time, majors are asked to take a comprehensive look at the theory, history and context of literary journalism. Among other forms, they study and write narratives, memoirs, profiles, histories and personal essays, in subject areas as varied as science, politics, justice, travel, sports, food and popular culture. They use as models a multitude of writers, ranging from Daniel Defoe, James Boswell and Stephen Crane to George Orwell, John Hersey, Lillian Ross, Joseph Mitchell, Gay Talese, John McPhee, Joan Didion, Tom Wolfe, Tracy Kidder, Calvin Trillin, Hunter Thompson, Truman Capote and Norman Mailer.

While it differs from an applied journalism major that focuses primarily on newspaper writing, the major in Literary Journalism is excellent preparation for students planning to enter graduate programs in journalism, as well as for those interested in the many careers requiring sophisticated writing skills.

if you know me, this is everything i'm interested in. for the past 4 years i've known that journalism is for me, and writing has become part of who i am, but when i thought about majoring in journalism i always feared that i would just be writing strictly news. straigt-forward, lacking creativity, NEWS! then i stumbled upon this and may i say, this is the best of both worlds.

Cal is my dream, and i have no doubt that i will one day end up there, but now i realize that i can be flexible, and when i am i find things like this.

Post 080.

as long as i have you by my side nothing in the world can bring me down, nothing. 

i need you bebe
cause i love you

Post 079.

times are changing and people are changing
yet, you, and we, remain the same.

i'm so grateful that you're in my life.

Post 078.

if i was skinny i would not feel insecure, i'm pretty positive about that.
so i have new goals this summer :]

Post 077.

he's back for the third time this week,
and i can smell it on him.
there's nothing or no one who can help me, but myself.
i have to be strong, and i will, because i can.

Post 076.

so this guy i knew in intermediate school added me on myspace. it was nice because he was always really nice and we were in a few plays together. he mentioned hanged out and i was excited, time to catch up. . .but then this happened

devin: i need a job. i NEED monies
alfred: u got all the time in the world. . .
alfred: not really but what's the rush
alfred: its not like you're goin on a fancy date
devin: haha true, i guess
alfred: i mean unless i ask, or wind up lost in hollywood. just a thought
alfred: but how will you know i'm lost in hollywood, hmm

lolz i thought this was hilarious.
sweet talking and cheesy lines
oh 1am lolz :]

Post 075.

i can't be this strong. it's hard

i don't know what to do

Post 074.

i wish there was someone, anyone, that could bring me cough medicine 

because i honestly think i'm going to feel miserable this whole night 

and i need some sleep.

but sleep is hard to come by when you're coughing for 5 minutes straight. 

why are you in pico? and why are you still up north?

wahh

Post 073.

today i awoke with my eyes swollen from salt water and sleep deprivation 

if i dreamed last night, i haven't the faintest idea

i feel, to some extent, broken

and i am clueless to how to fix myself 

The body aches and that ache takes its time

but you'll get over yours, and i'll get over mine

Post 072.

it literally feels like someone punched me in the heart 

my chest feels like it's caving in on me 

breathing is something i have to remember to do, and when i do, it hurts.

ouch. 

Post 071.

that's it, i did it, i'm ready, and i'm here 

i'm officially a student at santa monica college

i'm on the verge of so much. i have so many options that are open for me to grab at. now all i have to do is wait 10 more days, and jump. i get this one chance to lose myself and i'm going to take full advantage of it. when my feet leave that cliff i've been pacing for months, i get to leave everything and everyone behind me. i can cut the bad ties and form new ones. 

world i'm here, i'm ready,  now take me.

Post 070.

i'm still wait for you to feel this 

This is the moment that you know
That you told her that you loved her, but you don't
You touch her skin and then you think
That she is beautiful, but she don't mean a thing to me
Yeah, she is beautiful, but she don't mean a thing to me

Post 069.

last night made me feel like the old us, the old me, and that's the worst part 

Post 068.

best site for everything jason schwartzman? 

http://jasonschwartzman.tumblr.com/

and i would know

Post 067.

for the third time this month, i am once again sick. i know the things i do both inside and outside of school exhaust my immune system, but really three times? it seems i cannot escape this. it always starts the same and continues an uncomfortably long amount of time. maybe i should party less and increase my vitamin c intake, but i'm young, live it up? live it up with emergen-c! 

i need a nice nap, a bottle of emergen-c, and sweet tunes please

oh and ramen anyone?!

Post 066.

i remember it perfectly, the assignment was to write a narrative piece. i was in the eighth grade and had advanced english taught by mrs. brennan and mrs. long. i credit them, and this project for instilling me with the love of writing. while most people in my class moaned over how difficult a two-page paper was, especially at the end of the year, i didn't see it as much. i had never written anything like this but since i enjoyed both my teachers i sat down and wrote. the first line opened with my description of the first time i saw davey havok walk on stage. something that could have easily been said in a paragraph for my classmates, turned into a page for me. before i knew it, i was on page 6 and before me i had the whole recollection of my second concert, vivid image after vivid image, and it wasn't written in an AP magazine, but instead said in my own words. i turned this "short" assignment in and to my surprise i had the longest and most thought out piece. brennan and long read through all 6 and a half pages and returned it to me. it was marked and grammar corrected in that familiar red ink and for the first time i read through each correction. at the end paper, was a note "best narrative we've read, keep writing" it stuck with me. i occasionally remember b&l and always want to go back and thank them for encouraging my now, love of journalism.
today especially reminded me of this because, as editor of my high school magazine, i had the duty of taking home our hard copy and editing through each poem, music review, narrative, and fiction piece. there were pieces written with near perfect grammar and others i had to tear through with my red pen, but as i read the content, it inspired me. there was a girl, a freshman i believe, whose story had more grammatical errors than i could count, but her story was simply great. i wanted to send her a note that said "keep writing" i have no control on which direction the magazine will go in after i graduate, but i want this girl to know what a wonderful thing writing is and even if writing is a dying career, it's still there, for her, for anyone. oh, and the joys that a red pen in hand can bring. 

Post 065.

these movies need to come out already! i'm tired of waiting 

Post 062.

on the bright side, i think i found an internship at a publishing company for this summer
yay!

i never thought i would actually become a writer. i figured i would just end up like those people who write scribbled poems in a notebook while they're at their 9-5. i thought la youth and the other various things i've written for would just end up another "hobby" but they've inspired me and my work (although lacking these days, i'll be back mike!) is paying off. since the moment i selected "journalism" as my major i've had this feeling that what i'm going to do is the right thing for me.

Post 061.

"at least he's direct about being selfish"

lately i've been so tired of people being selfish and doing things that only benefit themselves. don't get me wrong, i know there have been times, especially within these past few months, were i have thought "fuck it i want to do what i want to do" but i don't make a huge production about it and i especially try not to hurt my friends in the process. i might be more annoyed than usual given the added stress i've taken on lately, but i'm just so tired of people. especially those that need to get over themselves. no one is going to cater to you anymore and no one is going to go out of there way to make you happy. we all have our own lives and i'm done going out on a limb to make yours better.


fuck.



good thing this weekend is going to be Amazing :D
oh and i'm happy that quote came from your mouth

Post 060.

Post 059.

there's is something about listening to cat stevens, maybe it's his voice, his lyrics, the over all freeing music, or the fact that he's now yusuf isalm, but his music always makes me find something in myself to love. his songs make me not afraid to be myself and like what i like and love whom i love.

there are friends that make me feel like i have to try hard to be less of myself. that i have to change my physical appearance, dress in one brand, like a certain type of music, and only like and associate with those people who are seen as "chic" or "cool". 

for the most part i completely fight against this, yet, because these people are my friends i feel parts of my have to oblige. 

but when listen to cat stevens (and a few other musicians and people) i feel like i really don't have to be who these people want me to. if i want to be me, i'll be me. 

thank you yusuf  

Post 058.

i want a window in my house that the light will shine through 

and reflect. 

light.light.light.light. 

it's one of the most beautiful things i've ever seen. 

i think my new goal is to have one roll of film filled with light pictures. 

Post 057.

does sitting on my bed, wearing cutoff shorts, plaid with no bra, drinking a slurpee, with my hair super curly and wild make me a hick?

because i feel if someone were to take a picture of me, that's how i'd come across.

a slurpee is no shaved ice, but close enough?

Post 056.

summer hair:

i will go red this summer. maybe not red red, but some variation. 

Post 055.

width=400>Oh, The Places You'll Go!

Happy Birthday Dr. Seuss

Post 054.

this video gave me complete and absolute hope that i could be happy on my own 

Post 053.

call me a snob, but i Hate blogs with bad grammar and spelling

spell check readily available

Post 52.

On the side of the egg.

Post 51.

1. my name is Devin Nicole Ruiz. i pronounce my last name incorrectly and sometimes i wish my name was devinare, or something a tad more interesting.

2. i've had a vanity fair subscription since freshman year and i've read ever issue (most beginning to end) since then and one i hope to write for them. 

3. i want to go into magazine journalism, editing, or advertising. but i secretly would love to be a wedding planner. 

4. i use to paint a painting every month, or every other month. i haven't painted in a little over 6. i wish i had more money to purchase new paint and a piece of wood to paint on. 

5. i might move into my own apartment this summer and the most exciting thing about it, is getting to decorate it how i like. i already have a mental image of what it would look like. 

6. i want to have a lemon tree, an orange tree and an avocado tree. 

7. i drink at least 24oz of tea a day. 

8. i love my diana f+ and i wish i had a flash. it made me sad when urban started selling dianaF+ clones. some of the best conversations are started when someone asks me what kind of camera i have. 

9. i have so many clothes they don't fit in my closet. i also have rows of shoes, yet i never seem to have an outfit. 

10. my mom's friend gave me a marc jacobs purse and i have yet to worn it out, i view it as a piece of art. seriously. 

11. i love making videos and setting it to music. 

12. one day last spring i jumped into a pool with all my clothes on and my bester friend der followed after me. that moment sealed our friendship and we stayed in the water for 20minutes. 

13. i live in west hollywood and no matter how far it is from people i wouldn't change it for the world. i've loved growing up here and i know i'm going to miss it. 

14. there's a path near griffith park that i've nicknamed 'the end'. my friend and i would drive up there and sit in his cars for hours and just watch the sunset. i want to take more people up there but i'm afraid it won't be the same. 

15. sometimes i take the car and drive to the roof of parking structures. once i'm up there i read, listen to music, and look over the edge to map out where i've been and driven. 

16. every time i pass downtown and i have a camera, i take a picture. one day i'm going to make a painting. 

17. i love cooking and trying different recipes, even though i only use them as guidelines. 

18. i save all my emails from barrack obama. 

19. i read very fast. yesterday i finished a book in a few hours and it was amazing.

20. i want to learn guitar and start a band, with myself. 

21. i love "single ladies" by beyonce and lately it's been stuck in my head, constantly.

22. i want to work at 'the icon' 

23. i miss my instax and buying a new one only made me miss mine more. wrong place, wrong time. 

24. every week since my friend has been up at stanford i've made him a mix and sent it to him. i wonder if i will go through my whole itunes library by the time he comes home.

25. i believe everything happens for a reason. 

Post 50.

so lately i've been so excited to graduate and start college. i think i'm so excited because i see it as finally being older and not the "baby". i see it as a chance to recreate myself and meet new people. i love who i am and i love my friends but there just seems to be something so exciting and refreshing in creating a new character for myself. i think this stems from the joy dressing in costume when i was a child. 

yay future!

Post 049.

i should be my own valentine because i would be amazing. i spent so much time browsing the internet for the perfect gift, something that reminded me of you, which made me smile. i spent more money than i had, giving up things i wanted for myself. i bought a close to perfect card and gift bag. spent time wrapping the present and filling out the card. dotting every i and crossing all my t's. i did this with no expectations, except for nothing, and that's what i'm getting. 

i hope i make you smile.

Post 048.

today my mother and i adopted a 15year old cocker-spaniel mix from the highland park animal shelter. being there and hearing the barks and cries of dogs made my heart hurt for them. they've been given up or lost on the streets and now they're confined to this cement room waiting for someone to come love them and take them home. i'm confident the young ones will be adopted, but like my new dog who was green tagged (given a week to live), these older dogs don't have a chance. if i could adopt them all i would, but unfortunately my apartment is too small, but i encourage people to at least check out a shelter before going to a pet shop for an animal, please.

Post 047.

devinare.tumblr.com

Post 046.

it took a delicate man to tell this story, and that's you

(miss u)

Post 045.

"no, it does not exist for you. you exist for it. you have come because it exists."

i am fascinated with lights 

although light pollution is the enemy 

there is nothing more relaxing and humbling than walking onto my balcony 

and seeing the whole city of west hollywood, and beyond, lit up. 

it's a nice way to know you're not alone.

Post 044.

" i love you also means i love you more than anyone loves you, or has loved you, or will love you, and also, i love you in a way that no one loves you, or has loved you, or will love you, and also, i love you in a way that i love no one else, and never have loved anyone else, and never will love anyone else."

-jonathan safran foer, everything is illuminated 

Post 043.

we have chosen HOPE over fear

Post 042.

finals; i've been through enough and i'm over it. studying for psychology has got me going slightly crazy. fitting 6 chapters of information onto a 4x6 notecard is not my idea of a joyous time. since my boyfriend has left me for sleep, i will turn to you blogspot. you get a look into my finals insanity. enjoi

Post 041.

dreading finals. not because i don't think i will do well, but solely on the fact that they are finals. i am allotted an hour and a half to prove that i have been learning this past semester. i have already taken tests and completed homework, so why make a test of everything combined. waste of paper if you ask me. plus, i do not agree with the fact that my school gives us finals after winter break. there is nothing i can do, so i suppose i am off to study psychology. (at least until kiwii picks me up.)

Post 040.

today went by in a grumpy blur. finals are next week and i started to feel that heavy cloud creeping up on me. i forgot my lunchbox at home and had to survive on tea candies, nuts, and water. during lunch and two other classes i worked on my final project for computer animation. let me tell you switching between photoshop, dreamweaver, and firefox for html gets tedious. if only i was super l33t at computers like my boyfriend. 

finally school ended at i was on the bus home and all i wanted to do was sleep. my insomnia-esque habits are returning. so late in the game and at what a inopportune time. 

hopefully tomorrow will be better. josh and i are having a sushi day.

p.s. i was able to buy the mp3 version of Davy, and after several listens i love it. possibly the only part of my day that didn't blend into one.

Post 039.

On seeing the 100% perfect girl 

one beautiful april morning

- a story by haruki murakami

♥

Post 038.

snap my picture 

(with my new yone x checki)

it arrived in a box designed by fafi, good!

a photo by yone, better!

my very own instax! BEST!

it arrived today so i haven't been able to test the water (or the lenses)

but i'll be sure to update once up i'm out and snapping

it's amazing how getting this package has turned my stressful day into a great one

p.s.please keep photography alive!

visit lomography and buy yourself a camera.

Post 037.

what font are you?

yes, i'm courier 

Post 036.

it's just a fond farewell to a friend

he said really i just want to dance 

good and evil matched perfect, it's a great romance  

i see you're leaving me and taking up with the enemy 

it's just a fond farewell to a friend

my best friend alexander duran leaves tomorrow morning for stanford and he's taking mas with him. i'm so unbelievably proud of them. 

but although tonight i'll go to der's farewell dinner and wish him the best of luck with the happiest smile on my face and hug him in joy, inside a part of me will be sad. as i may have mentioned before der got me through one of the roughest patches i've gone through. he was there whenever i need him. always a phone call and a 5-minute drive away. now with his new home being up north i'm here to make it (somewhat) on my own. he was my outside strength. it's true he have had some epic fights. he is the evil to my good, or visa-versa, but no matter what i knew i had him. i still will, just a little further. 

(miss u)

Post 035.

back to you?!

i've been waiting for a new coconut records album since i picked up 'nighttiming' two summers ago. finally 10 days until the release of 'davy' and i'm already addicted. thanks to amiestreet i can listen to about the first half of the song, and that's all i've been listening to, and let me tell you, it's amazing. 

jason schwartzman never fails. 

songs to check out: drummer, wandering around, and i am young

p.s. tonight bow&sparrows: cupcakes and punch, it's happening.

Post 034.

all i wanted was to be your housewife.

friday night, a little dinner for one. 

how to pasta by devin

boil pasta for 10minutes 

drain pasta and let sit while sauce is made. 

1/4 cup olive oil, garlic, salt (garlic), pepper(lemon), parsley 

combined together and heat (microwave works fine)

plate the pasta and sauce (add fresh parmesan and an artichoke heart)

pour a glass of wine and 

enjoi.

Post 033.

Who i could have been. . .

what would have become of me if i would have stayed in montebello? continued on to montebello high school? lived in that same house in the cul-de-sac  that i grew up in? would i still be the same person i am right now? 

i look at the people i went to school with from kindergarden to 8th grade and at the time i was so lost buying into what i thought i liked, not knowing myself and judging myself based on the amount of friends i had and how cool we seemed, but now as i look at myself, and i believe i have grown in high school. i see them, and most of them seem to be in the same place with the same questions. they're a flock of sheep going in the same direction. as much as some of these people mean to me, would i have been happy? would i be ditching classes? not trying my hardest in school or volunteering? would i be smoking out before, during, and after school? would my social life be confined to back yard shows and montebello dance parties? i'm not putting that lifestyle down for every person is made happy in a different way, it's just that think about 'who i could have been?' makes me grateful for the person i am now, for i am happy. 

although ramona is an all girls and has a confusing and at times closed minded administration, i am happy to soon become a rcss alumni. the people i have met, some wonderful and lifelong friends, others some of the most naive and ignorant, have all shaped me. i have experienced so much more that i would have in that small town. i have traveled, lived, and become happy. 

i'm on my way to finding out who i am.

Post 032.

today's gone to shit. i was excited to see my brothers but then my dad informs way too late that he's running late. and why can't you just volunteer? "you know what i'd still love to go" instead of making me beg you to drive and come. i hate the phrase "i'll do whatever you want me to" well it makes me come off selfish when i always say "well yeah i'd like you to still come"

i don't know. i'm having a terrible horrible no good very bad day.

Post 031.

we're going to be together as one, forever

last night in an arena, filled with more people than i could have imagined, counting down the last few seconds of 2008, i realized that the friends i have, although few were absent, are some of the most amazing people i've ever met. there is a bond that i shared with those people that i have never experienced. as we stood in a circle kissing each other and throwing our hands together, swearing to be real friends forever (even until we're all married), i saw how much these people are apart of me and that if i ever needed they would be there. 2008 brought us together and 2009 is going to make us stronger. there could not have been a better way to welcome two thousand and nine.

so this is the new year. . .