Post 027.

wave goodbye, wish me well, you've gotta let me go

today in class i got several calls and texts from my mom asking me to call her as soon as possible. after school i called several times with no answer, i even called my grandma's house but the line was busy. when my mom finally got ahold of me i knew what she was about to say. my 80 year-old great grandma, isabel (liza), had died after a long battle with cancer, she was most certainly a fighter. my grandma liza was placed in the hospital this summer and underwent treatment for cancer than had reappeared. since she was placed in the hospital, my mother, who from now on should be considered an angel, was with her every moment. losing sleep so she could spend every free minute with my sick and sometimes delusional grandma, she even spent most nights in the hospital. each day i would visit i would see a woman fighting to hold on for life while most of her daughters waited for her die. as she was released from the hospital her condition deteriorated rapidly. i can remember it was only a few months ago that she was able to walk and feed herself. each step of the way, my mom was there. she spent all day at my grandma liza and did everything from feeding her to rubbing lotion on her feet to even cleaning her tongue. up until the very end my grandma kept her wit and sarcasm. she would tell my mom that she "had to go to church and pray for forgiveness" when my mom would move her and she would feel slight pain. the one thing i learned from my grandma was strength and will. she was fighting against the odds  and at one point was given only two weeks to live. she surpassed and made it to whatever she was fighting to hold onto. although i've heard of my grandma's hard side seeing her lie in bed weak and helpless there was nothing i could feel but love for this woman who no matter how much money she had, or didn't have, found a way to give me a card and present for every birthday and holiday. (even if it was a scary porcelain doll) i never counted her as a "great" grandmother, only as a grandma. her kisses were wet and her lips wrinkled, but she was always there to ask how i was doing in school and tell me that she loved me. 

on the car home today my mom told me that my auntie terry asked her to pick out the outfit that my grandma would be buried in (and they wanted to go to mervyns, my grandma's favorite) and it was not until i heard that was i hit with the reality that my grandma had died and i would never see her again. i know it would be selfish to wish she was still here but i do miss her and i hope wherever she is, she is peaceful, happy, and playing lotto with my grandpa. 

i hope that her funeral is held on the day this week that the cloud and rain have cleared and the only thing above is blue skies, because that's what this fighter deserves, 

i've never lost anyone this close to me, except my grandma (my dad's mom) but i was too little to remember much. i'm not sure how to handle death and i'm not sure how long it will take until i feel better, but the only way i know how to cope is through music, and ever since my mom started taking care of my grandma, my mom said this song reminded her. so here's to you grandma liza,

close your eyes, clear you heart, cut the cord 

i'll miss you greatly