Post 025.

someone might get hurt, but it won't be me

slowly i've started to realize that as much as i love him, i  still have kept a part of me locked. it's not that i have stopped loving or allowing myself to be loved, i am open to that, 

it's just that i'm protecting myself more. i kind of expect the worse so that i won't be hurt like i was before. in the back of my mind there is a lock a lock to protect myself. i know it might not be the best way to look at things and it might be considered bitter, but honestly, i've been hurt too much and too badly that i need to guard myself. i wish i didn't have to. i wish i could be completely open, but i'm scared. there were a few days that he didn't respond to any of my phone calls or texts and although i was sad i felt like if a breakup was to happen again, i would be able to handle it, without going into that state i was previously in. it scared me. i don't want to be like that. i guess it's just picking which scares me less, holding back or getting hurt.